Archive for the ‘Player News’ Category

Okay, so remember when there was a lockout? Then remember when there wasn’t a lockout? Well, there’s a lockout again.

Could someone please tell the court to make up their minds? So, to skip the high-level vocabulary, and gigantic words, I have condensed the story into the following script.

NFL: Players, you are now locked out.
Players: That stinks.

Court: You are no longer locked out.
Players: Yaaaaaaaaaa-
*Court cuts the Players off*
Court: Sike! Now get the heck out of the stadiums.

When the lockout was first lifted, I did not have time to post about it. However, I am going to pretend that I predicted the lockout being put back into effect, so I look like an awesome football-analyst.

True Confessions of TTF (Teen Talks Football) aside, let’s get back to the story.

It’s not a very tough story to comprehend. Basically, there was a lockout, then there wasn’t, now there is. I could sit here and tell you every little quote that the players and/or coaches and/or judges said, but all they will tell you is the lockout is back on.

I hate to end a post with a sad note, so I will add that the NFL Draft has begun The first round is in the books and the third is currently underway. I hope that was a happy enough note to end on, because I have nothing else to say.


Tom Brady’s Ponytail

Posted: 03/09/2011 in Player News

What is that ugly thing on Tom Brady’s head? You guessed it. A ponytail. Well, a half ponytail, it kind of looks like he got attacked by some scissors, a bear, and a bad hair stylist.

The irony in this atrocious due, is that Brady is married to Brazil’s spokesmen for Pantene, Gisele Bundchen. Why she would let him out in public with this hair-raising haircut, I have no idea. Maybe she likes it? Maybe she’s punishing him for some reason?

Whatever the reason, we can take three things from this ugly haircut.

  1. Someone needs to fire Brady’s hair stylist.
  2. Ponytails are not to be tried by the inexperienced.
  3. If Gisele likes this, she must have been smacked in the head with a giselle.

The Bengals have a very rare quarterback situation. The starter, Carson Palmer, is backed up by Jordan Palmer, his brother. It looks to be that soon, Carson will be leaving his brother the keys to the kingdom (which is not a very favorable kingdom to own). However, you know what they say, “one brother’s bad football team is another brother’s main source of income,” or at least it’s something like that…

Carson said that “he will never set foot inside Paul Brown Stadium again.” That might be a slight problem if and when he has to return there to play the Bengals. Could you imagine if the week that Carson’s new team plays the Bengals in Cinci, Carson were to tell the media something like, “well, to uphold my promise of never going inside that stadium again, I will not be playing this game”? I would love to see something like that happen, but, unfortunately, I am pretty sure he meant to say he will never play as a Bengal again.

I would highly doubt Carson stays in Cinci, because of both what he said and what his coach said. Essentially, Marvin Lewis told NFL Network that they are set to move on without Carson.

Two brothers both rarely make it into the NFL, let alone at the same position, let alone on the same team. 335 pairs of brothers have played in the NFL, 9 of which were both QBs.

Beyond the rarity of the situation, there are also other effects. To start, Carson could go find another team and try to help them, because if they need Carson, they must need serious helpĀ  and might even be considering bankruptcy. Another obvious effect would be that Jordan Palmer would be the Bengals’ new quarterback. One effect that is slightly more humorous, and less known, is that we would have no more insightful apps like RunPee that Jordan Palmer helped to make. RunPee tells you when the best times are during a movie to go to the bathroom. How could we live without that? I think he should make apps like that full time, to help America conquer their pesky bladders and finish watching the movie.

Back to football, it looks as if Carson will be leaving, Jordan will be filling his spot (unless the Bengals draft a new quarterback), and we will no longer know when to go to the bathroom during movies.

Nick Schrank, middle linebacker for George Mason, might not make it into the NFL on his own, so he has turned to the internet. He made a video of him, showing his precision.

Below is the link to the video on

Balancing Act

To me, this video is just an attempt to increase his chance of being drafted into the NFL because Nick and his agents are scared he might not make it based on skill. If I were an team scout for the NFL, I would be less likely to draft Schrank, because this video was only made because of his lack of skill. That is not to say he shouldn’t be drafted, I am just saying that this video was created to cover up some flaws that might send him to look for another job and that the video might backfire.

Also, when in football are you ever standing 32 inches off the ground, and on top of a ball. Although it does show his precision, there are better ways to show the same skill. Alternate ways might have been running and jumping onto a thin cable even if it was only a foot or so off the ground. Or Schrank could have shown his precision by jumping onto the middle of a pool raft and stayed dry, if he lands anywhere besides the center, he would fall in so this would show a lot of precision.

Cleveland decided to release Pro Bowl defensive lineman Shaun Rogers , known as “Big Baby” on Wednesday. Releasing Rogers, and five others, saved the Browns about $17 million in salary and bonuses.

The release of Rogers wasn’t only fueled by economic troubles. The Brown’s general manager, Tom Heckert, told The Plain Dealer‘s Tony Grossi. Heckert said that the team had grown tired of the veteran’s negative attitude and poor work ethic. According to Heckert, “Big Baby” earned his nickname by repeatedly saying that he has never been on a team that was any good.

The 10-year player was on the injury report almost all season with various ankle and hip injuries. Rogers would often skip all of the weekly practices. Rogers made the Pro Bowl in 2008, but this season, he only started once despite having the highest salary on the team.

The Browns will most likely be playing a 4-3 defense next season as opposed to a 3-4 defensive front.

Many teams were interested in Rogers, NFL reporter Jason La Canfora reports. Rogers will be meeting with the Washington Redskins on Friday. However, a league source reports that “Big Baby” is in no rush to sign with any team. More than a third of the league has contacted Rogers about negotiations.